Amazing Qualities
by Spontaneous Muse
Summary: At least, that's what he'd say she had. Like the fact that she's older than him. And that she can drink. Shikamaru's not being sarcastic at all. In which Temari gets drunk, and the troublesome woman somehow only got worse. Oneshot, shikatema.


_Hey guys!_

_So I'm proud to say that my popularity on Tumblr is growing, and at the time of writing there have been **two** shikatema shorts and oneshots I have not released on ff. That being said, make sure to take a hop skip and jump to my tumblr, url **therewithasmile**, to check them out. I have them organized under tags so you can find them!_

_That being said this was also a prompt off tumblr. The sentence the anon picked was hard because I couldn't find a feasible way to make either character say it in canon, so what was the first thing I did? _

_Well, make our legal gal plastered. _

_So this is drunk Shikatema hilarity. _

_Let me know what you think and if you would ever want a continuation!_

_Thanks lovelies,_

_- muse. _

.::[::]::.

**A**mazing Qualities

["I'm trying to flirt with you, okay?" Shikatema :)]

Shikamaru really didn't understand why he was Temari's guide sometimes – after all, she was prissier, scarier, and more troublesome than any woman he had ever met. Definitely out of Konoha. Perhaps the entire world.

But today was different: as opposed to solely being reminded _once again_ that she was all of those wonderful qualities, he also remembered that she was in fact, _older_ than her.

So when she halted him while passing by a bar, he didn't miss the longing look in her eyes before he sighed. It didn't take longer than a second for the sand shinobi to curiously poke her head inside nor for the rest of her body to disappear. Alarm shot up his spine when his escort disappeared, but the emotion was quickly replaced by irritation as he called after her, "Oy, woman, where do you think you're going?"

Her blonde locks pushed the flaps hanging above the entryway before her teal eyes locked onto his. "In. You coming?"

He narrowed his eyes. _Crazy woman._ "No, I'm seventeen."

The sand shinobi blinked and blew a breath between her lips (he didn't know what it meant at all) before she looked at him again. "Right, you're a crybaby."

"What does that –" Temari gave the Nara a wink before she disappeared once again. "- Hey, you, _when am I supposed to pick you up?_"

The crazy woman gave him no indication to a response.

Shikamaru sighed loudly and slumped against the building. "Jeez, she is too much for _anyone_ to handle." He slid down against the wall, balancing his weight between his support and his shins as he sighed again. _And I have no idea when she'll be out of here. I swear she's just doing this to annoy me. Yeah. Definitely._

It didn't take long for other shinobi and residents he knew to pass him, a few stopping but when he explained the situation, they would just laugh at him. In Ino's case, she gave him a sympathetic look, but when asked to join him, did her eyes turn cold. "She's terrifying, and I _know _you. You have no idea what you got yourself into," she paused before a wicked grin spread on her face. She gulped. "When you have to buy make up flowers, I'll discount them to ya, just because you're Shikamaru." Before he had a chance to protest, she skipped off, positively cackling.

Then it was Sakura. She at least graced him with a few minutes of company, before she apologized and ducked out saying that she had an errand to run for the Hokage. "By the way, if you get any injuries, run to me, okay? I can help you out, it's good practice." And with that, the pinkette had left on her merry way as well.

Why was everyone assuming he'd get battered, and have to _apologize_ for it?

Girls. They knew each other the best, he supposed.

He wasn't expecting his night to get much worst – in fact he could hardly believe it _could_, but after he had sent Choji to Barbe-Q on his own did he realize that his own luck was down today. After what felt like hours (and in hindsight, it probably was), the sand-haired shinobi suddenly reappeared. By the way she walked, she wasn't completely plastered (thank God, last thing he wanted to do was carry her) but her eyes were misted and unfocused, if ever so slightly.

Unpleasant memories of his father's own drinking habits left a slightly bad taste in his mouth, but he pushed it aside for the sake of his mission as he jogged up to her (she was beginning to stumble in the opposite direction) to catch her attention. "Oy, just for future reference, you're not allowed to do that anymore."

Her teal eyes focused onto his before she waved him off. "Stop whining," she responded sharply. He blinked – she wasn't slurring, so that was a good sign, but for some reason she seemed pricklier than usual. Wasn't alcohol supposed to have the _opposite _effect? _But of course, being the troublesome woman she is, no wonder she would behave exactly how I'd least expect her to._

He sighed, unable to help the small grin on his face as she scratched her head in confusion. "Where to?"

"I need food," Shikamaru responded, "besides, you had me waiting for quite a while."

"Oh grow up, _minor_," the blonde mocked, though her lips curled into a smirk as she held out her hand. It was almost _dainty_, her entire hand relaxed and pointing downwards as if she expected him to go down on a knee and kiss it, "I'm hungry too. Or I should eat."

His eyebrow raised at her still-outstretched hand. "I'll say." He lowered her arm for her and she giggled (what the hell) before following after him. She wasn't swaying, thank goodness, though she did occasionally stagger – each time he'd instinctively secure her with his shadow. Then she'd giggle and say "just kidding" in the most singsong voice he had ever heard her use.

When they finally made it to a small café, she all but dumped herself on the chair before he sat down across from her. Their server came with menus though she waved him back before he had a chance to leave. "Can I see your alcohol selections?" she asked innocently, her eyelashes batting in a way _they shouldn't bat_ and apprehension shot up Shikamaru's spine – her words were beginning to slur.

The waiter looked at her critically. "I'm going to need to see some ID."

Her teal eyes suddenly steeled as the Sand Shinobi drew her upper body to full height. "Excuse me," she said, her voice deadly and suddenly focused, "Do you know who I am?" The poor waiter seemed to have begun sweating bullets; Shikamaru didn't blame him, what was normally scary was now _terrifying_. "I am Temari. _Of the Sand. _Are you asking the official Sunagakure Embassador if she's _legal age_?"

Shikamaru sighed once more. As the waiter stammered apologies, he used his ninjutsu to carefully thread its way into her pocket and pull out her wallet for her. "Here," he offered, extending his shadow to give the man her ID. Temari's mouth flew open as the worker took a fleeting glance before he nodded and dashed away. But even as that happened, Shikamaru could see the blonde's temper begin to rise. _Oh well, _he thought, _I think my mom's worse. _

"What the _hell_, you fucking _asshole_," his escort spat, literally spat as he waved away some excess spit from his face, "You – how did you do that - are you _stealing _from me?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Shikamaru soothed, rolling his eyes. _Okay no, my mom isn't worse than her when she's __drunk__, _"I was just hurrying it along so you can have your next drink."

"Oh," and in an instant, all the fight was out of her voice. _Amazing_, he thought sarcastically. "Smart thinking. Though I guess you're always smart, you've always outsmarted me."

"You said smart three times."

"Ho ho, you're also the _grammar police_!"

He sighed.

* * *

The night was ridiculous. Every time they left a place (which wasn't often, but the point remained), she'd do that dumb hand extending thing where he'd just push her arm back down, and she'd grumble a little but that was that. At some point Temari must've gotten sick of it, because now she grabbed his hand and dragged _him_ along, and though he let her pretend she was leading he used his shadow imitation technique to correct her path and lead her back to her own room.

Yeah, he liked to think he was smart sometimes.

When they got to their doorstep, she surprisingly didn't question it and instead fumbled with the keys before dropping it. They both leaned down quickly to pick it up, their fingers colliding before she snatched them up and unlocked her door.

The sand shinobi turned to him. "Would ya like ta come in?"

"You're slurring words again," he said dismissively, to which she pouted (that was a new one) and rolled her eyes (that wasn't new).

"Sometimes you're such a killjoy," she huffed. Was she _sulking_? He made a quick mental note: keep Temari away from alcohol. Always.

But instead of disappearing inside her room, she instead leaned against the doorframe. "I always forget you're only seventeen," she said conversationally. "Why haven't you gotten yourself a girlfriend yet?"

He rolled his eyes. His mother always asked him the same question; she wanted a grandkid already – or at least the _possibility _of one secured, and every passing year she had grown more frantic. "I only would date girls I'm interested in."

"N'one from Konoha?"

"N'one", he imitated. She pouted again.

Then he realized something.

She did the blinking thing.

_What the hell_, he thought sourly. "So interested in maybe _different folk_?" Her voice came out almost like a purr. He blinked, the obvious answer on his mind but he flushed it out quickly. _Seriously, what the hell._

"Well, potentially," he said lightly, to which she smiled to. Or more accurately, the corners of her lips dragged upwards but the rest of her facial muscles seemed lazy and didn't want to commit to it. It was a surprisingly cute look, if not amusing.

"Well, there are many options. Maybe you should look into the _sand_."

Oh.

So this is what plastered Temari did.

Hopefully not to all men.

He smirked. Although he found this exchange somehow terribly endearing, he thought he would have a better time just teasing her – besides, she probably didn't have any more coordination to hit him.

"That would be hard to see."

"I could guide you, if you'd like." She _winked_.

"I think someone like Gaara would be more effective, not gonna lie." Oh god, this was so _funny_.

She pouted. "Maybe, but he's Kazekage. Besides, his sister would probably be more effective. His older, _wiser_ sister."

Maybe this was why she didn't have a boyfriend.

_Yet_, he thought with a smile.

She didn't miss that. "Considering it?" Her voice was sly, somehow trying to be seductive (it was working, he'd admit), and if he wasn't so bent on making her crack, on top of really not wanting to be a creep, he would have been all over her in a flash. It looked like she wanted it anyways. But no, that wasn't a very cool thing to do, she wasn't in the right state of mind.

And if he hadn't known Temari as well as he did, maybe he would have had doubts. But he knew how to read her signs, and maybe he also knew alcohol would get her to say the things she always bit back, to perform the actions she stopped herself from doing.

So this was rewarding, in a sense.

"I'm considering asking Kankuro, besides, that way we could talk about girls."

That was the breaking point.

"Holy _fucking_ shit Nara, I know I said you were smart before but you're so daft!" All attempts at seduction vanished as she went in to strike him but he dodged (it wasn't hard) and she growled angrily. He couldn't help but to laugh at her, with her eyes wide and unfocused and her fist in midair, her brain lagging behind and not even bothering to correct herself.

"Oh, you weren't just asking me questions?" He raised an eyebrow playfully, and perhaps if her brain wasn't so laden with alcohol would she realize that he was just playing her.

But of course, her brain _was_ laden in alcohol. "Oh, you weren't just asking me questi- _fuck no_, you idiot!" She let out a small scream of exasperation. "I'm trying to flirt with you, _okay_?"

He burst out laughing then, all restraint (which was most of what he had left) free as he guffawed. His eyes teared from laughter as she turned purple and tried to hold her dignity. He tried to catch his breath but every time he inhaled he burst into laughter again. "You are one hell of a woman."

She stood in silence as he continued laughing, before finishing his last guffaw into a contented sigh. Clutching his ribs, he rubbed his eyes free of tears as she still stood at the doorway. But upon observation her posture had changed – crouched, defensive, and her eyes hardened. Panic instantly flew up his spine. "Ah, uh, Temari, I didn't mean it that way – I'm sorry, I ju-"

"I don't feel so good," she whispered as her stomach growled protestingly.

And at that moment he realized another qualities of hers– her pigtails, because as she retched into her toilet he was glad he didn't have to hold her hair.


End file.
